Prisoner Survival Tricks

Because even the newest prisons quickly fill up with insect vermin and spiders, scorpions, etc, every victim should know how to use one to drive off the other. Since spiders multiply quickly and their young eat prisoners alive while we sleep, it is a good idea to attract ants. Ants eat flies, cockroaches and spiders that they can catch, plus carry off the dead ones.Ants can be attracted with a sugar solution made of water and pancake

Ants can be attracted with a sugar solution made of water and pancake syrup. Since spiders hide deep in cracks unreachable by any other means, spray this sugar solution far inside. The ants will move in, causing the spiders to move out. Every time you see more webs at the entrance, re-spray. Most species of ants do not eat live humans and few insects will live near ants. A survival trick often employed by knowledgeable prisoners is to adopt the plumage of an apparent psychopath in order to scare off other prisoners. Most prisoners are very frightened of each other and thus form gangs and mutilate their bodies with scary tattoos for protection. One way to achieve fear and respect in other prisoners without self-mutilation is to simply curse the guards. Prisoners tend to try and mob new arrivals to form a pecking order as do chickens and other barnyard fowl. They are also secretly sucking up to the guards for favors and thus can’t curse them too.New arrivals have no special kiss-ass relations with guards and thus can curse

New arrivals have no special kiss-ass relations with guards and thus can curse them, thereby gaining cheap respect from the prisoners you are trapped into living with and among. Prisoner culture is pretty simplistic, and like animals, survival largely depends upon managing to appear too dangerous to harass with impunity.Many of the states’ prisons have their own festering disease-holes built right

Many of the states’ prisons have their own festering disease-holes built right next to them, or in them. These are rural prisons, safely tucked away out of sight of most observing eyes. They are often built in the center of cow latrines, and thus grow skads of flies that like to emerge from cow feces and crawl all over and puke on human faces and lips. Or worse, they have massive sewage lagoons rife with germs that breed hordes of disease-injecting mosquitoes for three seasons of every year. Protecting yourselves from these threats is essential to living long enough to escape the states’ slow-death camps. Older prisoners are most likely to die prematurely of these “natural causes” that are un-naturally and neglegently presented to the states’ millions of captives. Mosquitoes alone transmit yellow fever, malaria, west Nile virus, the “bird” flu and other variations of influenza, equine and other encephalitises along with no telling what else that hasn’t teen uncovered yet. The flies that reproduce in cow feces are masters of bacterial transfer. The bacteria that come out of antibiotic- laden bovine intestines are a hardy group that kills thousands of US citizens per year and are responsible for the yearly emergency recall of tons of infected, deadly ground meat destined for poor folks’ plates.In third world

In third world countries they get to spray insecticides and mosquito-swamps are given a thin coating of cheap vegetable oil to smother their larvae. Captives of the state are left to suffer infestations. To survive we must invent our own solutlons to these problems that the prisoncrats refuse to fix.One important Solution is to somehow force the state to repair the screens that

One important Solution is to somehow force the state to repair the screens that attempt to keep these Tests out. If you are lucky enough to have a “window” with outside ventilation, you may be forced to buy a screen and weather stripping from the maintenance men or other black market individuals. Worse, if you have to live with another person who likes to pass notes, feed the birds and cats or just vandalize stuff for no real reason, you may be forced to beat some sense into him. I’ve had encephalitis from Texas mosquitoes for a week, and believe me, to avoid a second dose of it I’d gladly knock cut a moron no matter how many scary tattoos he has, how big he is or how many friends he thinks he has. Once you’ve secured a working screen, weather stripping is often unobtainable. Wet relief paper stuffed in the cracks will work to keep the insects from crawling between the frame and the window. If you’ve had to compromise with the idiot, or you are yourself a cat ranching, bird-feeding, note-passing kind of guy, you can do this: Get a nasal spray bottle and f111 it with soapy water; detergent if you can get it. Plain water will not work. Spray all the houseflies and the mosquitoes that are attracted to your screen at dusk and dawn. (Mosquitoes are nocturnal.) Close the window to trap them before spraying. Herd them all into one corner to get them all efficiently. Insects are attracted by body heat, exhalations of carbon dioxide, sweat and perfumes. You can’t do anything about your infrared signature, but you can use a fan to blow away your breath and sweat. Place the fan close as possible to blow from your head to your feet , on high with no oscillation, all night long. The first guy they will eat is the one who smells like sweat, perfume and carbon dioxide and is easiest to land on. Often they, feed only once per night. If it is not suffocatingly hot, cover up as much skin as possible. They go for the mouth and nose first because mosquitos are following the train of carbon dioxide you exhale. Next they zero in on the arm pits for the sweat, stink and perfumes here. Their third target is the crotch. Wad that threadbare sheet up into your pits and crotch. Some people can make a tent that acts like mosquito netting, but they will bite through where your skin touches it. I survived for weeks sleeping this way on a picnic table under a tree in a back yard while escaped from the state in 1985. It works quite well if done properly. In very hot prisons such as those in the south and west captives often wake up with

In very hot prisons such as those in the south and west captives often wake up with inexplicable boil, and rashes on the sides of our feet, legs, arms, hands and fingers. Usually these are caused by skin bacteria that are normally benign until they are switched on into aggressive mode by plenty of sweat and no oxygen.  They begin munching your live skin this way because your skin is touching large patches of skin on your other leg, etc. Skin on sweaty skin shuts off the oxygen. Nursing homes stop these types of bedsores from occurring by inserting a layer of cloth between places where skin touches skin. This wicks sweat away from such areas and allows enough oxygen to diffuse through to prevent the bacteria from switching to their anaerobic mode of metabolism. If you can afford it and have plenty of stamina for dealing with recalcitrant fools you may want to try and move the inmates, guards, dungeoncrats, judges, politicians and media hacks to provide or sell insect repellant. Since it is their sewer lakes, slop wagons, garbage dumps, farms and trash piles that are breeding this health threat, they may even fix the problem with standard health department solutions at no cost to you, if you can generate enough exposure and heat to make them ashamed enough to attempt it. (See: On Effective Complaining, and the soon to be released “How to Work Your Craticians.)

Insect repellent works best in prison when sprayed on and around windows, foodholes and ventcracks. The stuff does not belong on your skin no matter what the directions say. Following these procedures will keep you healthier longer than if you just blunder around in the dark as most inmates do. Somebody with brains should take charge, and that somebody may as well be you. Good luck, and if you have any questions or suggestions, let me know!


One of the things least suspected of prisons and most galling is the policy on socks, foot care and clothes in general. Upon entering prison, the inmates in charge of getting clothes from the prison kops and giving them to you are not to be trusted. Count and inspect everything they give you prior to signing anything. In ALL prisons there is an artificial “shortage” of clothes, and a raging black market traffiking in stolen clothes.

Upon checking into the first prison you are fad to, you will find that the kops actually want you to get AND SIGN FOR a certain minimum amount of clothing. Often these are the cheapest, thinnest, most poorly designed and fitting clothes that apathetic and incompetent inmates can produce in a prison garment factory while supervised by cost-cutting guards. The good part is that often they are new when issued for this first time, meaning that, for example, the underwear is free of any previous inmate’s shit and piss stains. The kops want to have your signature on a paper that says that you got a coat in winter, for example, but couldn’t care less if it had a lining or functioned as a real coat. All the kops want is a paper trail in case a prisoner lawsuit ever makes them “prove” anything to a judge. Fact is, the linings in many prison coats are deliberately ripped out by the kops because they are, the excuse is, a “threat to security`. The security threat here is that hungry prisoners hide food in the linings and smuggle it out of the mess hall to eat or sell later. This excuse of “smuggling!” is also used by kops to prevent the prisoners from having long sleeved shirts in the winter, making prisoners quite miserable throughout this season due to the drafty, under- heated nature of prisons.

The inmate who issues your clothes from behind the safety of a small barred, mesh and Plexiglas covered hole in the wall can: hardly be seen or recognized in there, either. It is dark inside and often he is Black or at least swarthy. Inmates who “have game” precipitate into such positions of power and lucre the same way slick lipped lawyers and politicians obtain high office and fat “lobbying-(bribery) or “consultant” (sinecure) jobs afterward. This inmate uses bum’s rush tactics and the long line of supplicants behind you, plus time pressure (“Buddy, I got two hours to get 500 people their clothes”) to shove you a bundle of crap, get your signature and shout “NEXT!” If you allow this, he will substitute used, trashy, raggedy clothes for your newer at least wearable ones. (Prison clothes get raggedy quickly and stay that way because inmates have no desire to take care of state clothes or repair them when the seams burst, buttons pop off or rips occur. Like minorities in housing projects, they often believe that the sooner that stuff gets torn up, the sooner they will be awarded more new stuff.) When the clothes-inmate can slip you raggedy crap, he can sell the new or good staff to other inmates. This is the way he supports his coffee, cigarette and twinkie habits.

This same type of flagrant thievery occurs in the laundry. Inmates all over the prison are constantly prowling and peeking into everything, looking for anything of value to pilfer off with. Consequently, you can’t send any good clothes to the laundry: they WILL get stolen and sold to other inmates who are glad to buy them as long as they can’t be traced by the true owner. Prisoners who try to prevent theft of good clothes by making them traceable, usually by marking them on the outside, risk being sanctioned by the kops, who claim that you vandalized “their” clothes. The kops all pretend to be in total ignorance of the theft and sales going on beneath their noses. Prisoners thus face two choices: pay one of the clothes-thieves in the laundry to keep track of your clothes and provide other services such as separate washing or custom stealing or sewing, or: wash your own clothes by hand in a tiny sink the best you can with hand soap instead of detergent. (This is one of the reasons that flesh-eating bacteria are created so prevalently in prison, along with other super-germs.)

One of the slickest tricks that the clothing-issue kop/inmate team does is force you to sign a blank disbursement form before they render you your clothing. This is so that the loops can legally steal any amount from your prison account when they shuffle you to a different prison, which is often. They simply claim, usually quite honestly, that the clothes yen turned in were too raggedy to re-issue. Then they take from you the dollars that they think their clothes were worth. No allowance for wear and tear is ever made. The prison kops appear to expect that their clothes will last forever: there are no accounting techniques for writing off any clothes. The end result for most new, un-alert prisoners is that we pay top dollar for raggedy, much-used clothing, get tired and give up on the colossal bureaucratic travail required to obtain wearable clothes that fit, succumb to buying stolen clothes on the black market, wear them until they fall off of us, then get shuffled to a different prison where this same process begins again. The raggedy stuff is then re-issued to other new prisoners and rarely repaired or thrown away.

By far the most valuable and precious clothing you may or may not get issued in prison is socks. Some prison kops only pretend to supply socks. Many prison kops only issue raggedy, worn-out socks. Almost all prisons now SELL socks. They create a shortage, then profit from supplying it. Right-thinking prisoners with principles that prevent them from feeding prison sharks by purchasing from thieves and parasites that which we are entitled to for free employ many strategies to circumvent this type of common corruption and fraud. On the blank disbursement form that we are forced to sign prior to obtaining clothes we write the word “coerced” as our middle name. We sometimes surreptitiously lift the first page and write `VOID:” or, the underlying copies when possible. Since many prison kops use their security threat excuse to prevent us from owning nail clippers, our great toe nails grow long and sharp, which rip holes in our socks after vary few uses. It is routine for many of us to seek out rough concrete on the “yard”, get on all fours and grind our great toe nails down to manageable size periodically. Our toenails are so ragged that they snag and rip out the elastic threads every time we put our socks on. Many prisoners respond by wearing our socks inside-out: this In lessens the snagging and ripping somewhat.  We also prefer tube socks because they can be turned four different ways before four great toe holes are ripped in each sock, forcing them to be resewed or thrown away for lack of sewing kits, or exchanged, if possible. Form-fitting socks can only be worn two different ways, such as switching left and right and inside out but not upside-down. Prison dryers are often set so hot to dry fast that they ruin the elastic in socks after only two or three cycles. New prisoners learn this too late and their socks droop off their ankles before they realize that socks must be hand-washed in the sinks, again without proper soap.

Prisoners need to realize too that the kops intentionally steal many or all of the clothes that they have tricked prisoners into buying each time they shuffle us to and from different prisons. Our property is confiscated and pilphered-through by kops before we leave, plus it is pilfered through by the kops of the prison they ship us to. The main purpose of this thievery is to maximize sales and profits to the guards. Prisoners with principles minimize their purchase of guard-sold items and try to force kops to continue to supply for free that which we are entitled to. Within very few more years the inmate sell-outs will have allowed the kops to shift prison costs almost totally onto the backs of our families and ourselves. The kops’ efforts to force us to pay for their abduction and enslavery of us should be resisted as a high priority.

The cheaper they can operate prisons and the higher their taxpeyer-subsidies and prisoner-profits of prisons, the more prisons they will build and the more people they will encriminalize to keep them bursting-full and overflowing, needing ever more guards, cops, lawyers, prosecutors, Judges and politicians, etc to run them. Prisons are their cash cow 1n this so-called land of the free. No one should have to suffer their depredations.